A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
