I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
