My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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