the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
