We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
