"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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