if you like me you must not know who I am
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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