He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
