MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't notice because vodka
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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