Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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