The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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