that's an acceptable place to lick
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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