and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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