Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
