I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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