Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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