the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
