I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
