Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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