She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
