I am spending my child support on dildos
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
