I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am midnight drunk by noon
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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