she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want to be your penis for a week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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