Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
