My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
