Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
