OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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