Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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