what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
