Betty ford says i'm here all night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize