she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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