i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
