The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
