just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
