hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize