Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
