Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
