he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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