We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize