Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm passing your future prison.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
