He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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