I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
