first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
