Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
