you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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