Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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