I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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