Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
