we're blogging at a bar
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't turn off my feet"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Panties = found
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
