I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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