I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
