I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
