I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
