oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
