Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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