So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
