had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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