I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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