is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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