david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
