GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
