Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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