i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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