so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
