So drunk its hurt
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
