just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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