So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize