i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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